Today my oldest baby boy is three. Three years old. How is that possible? It doesn’t seem like two minutes since I was texting my sister a picture of my piss covered pregnancy test & now he is a talking, singing, dancing, savage toddler. I have learnt a LOT in my three years of motherhood.
I’ve learnt that I don’t have an infinite amount of patience like other parents claim to have – I actually have the shortest fuse ever. There is so only so many times I can ask a child to sit on his bum and stop throwing himself around the living room like he’s partaking in an episode of Takeshi’s fucking Castle. I have also learnt that I have the capability to go from wanting to break down in tears one minute to laughing the next, over one little thing Teddy does. Nobody has the ability to drag me from mood to mood so quickly.
Three years of motherhood has taught me that kids give absolutely no shits. Whatsoever. You want to go to the toilet in peace? You want to put a wash on without having a toddler swinging from the washing machine door? THEY DON’T CARE.
Teddy started pre-school in October 2019 and it was hands down one of the best decisions we ever made. He has come on so much, in all aspects! He was learning new things every day, his confidence literally shone on his face every time we picked him up. Obviously with the current lockdown situation he isn’t attending anymore and we aren’t sure if he will ever go back as he is down to start school nursery in September and it honestly breaks my heart when I think about him not returning to enjoy his last few months of pre-school. I cried like a bitch on his last day – LOL.
Part of me looks back at the last three years and i’m sad that I didn’t embrace it more, soak it all in as best I could. I struggled so hard with his newborn days that I couldn’t wait for him to be older just so I’d sleep a little better or have that tiny bit more independence. Now i’d give anything to go back. Just for a day. Nothing more than that lads – I enjoy sleeping again too much, lets not go crazy now.
Teddy was a baby who always wanted to be held, co-slept all night, would only nap in our arms, breastfed constantly and I just felt like I was doing everything wrong. I was comparing our parenting experience to everyone elses and I regret it so much. People tell you that you are making a rod for your own back for some of the choices you make and I wish now I know that it couldn’t be further from the truth. What really happened is that I gave my son EXACTLY what he needed, WHEN he needed it. Now he is the most loving, fiercely independent little boy.
As he has gotten older my life has just got better & better, he has this way of making me laugh over the tiniest of things, watching him learn something new literally every day is magical. We’re having full blown conversations and he’s so inquisitive. Don’t get me wrong, being asked “why mummy, what’s that mummy?” 20 times a day gets old realllll quick but I know this is how they learn! He has this incredible imagination, watching him play with his dinosaurs or fairy house – the little voices he does and making them interact with each other, honestly makes my day!
I love how every morning I go and release him from his bedroom (he has a baby gate) and we have a little cuddle on the landing before we head into my bedroom for cuddles with Oliver in bed. I love the way he blows me a kiss whenever he goes for a walk with his dad or to bed. I love the way he says ‘bullshit’ in context, and in the past few weeks he has also started saying “oh it’s piss wet through” when anything gets wet. Toddlers copy everything you say FYI. Can’t even be mad about it.
The tantrums are… something out of this world. Over the smallest things. Stopping him from injuring himself? how dare I. Not letting him pick his own cup? I’m the worst mother in the world. BUT I usually let him get it out of his system and then he says sorry (slightly sarcastically but he is my son after all – it comes naturally to us) and we have a cuddle. We have a full on three-nager on our hands already.
This is the year Teddy became a big brother and I can’t describe how beautiful it has been to watch. People tell you nothing compares to seeing your babies together but my god is it true. He loves Oliver so much and has done since the second he met him in the hospital. He is the first person he asks to see in the morning and the last person he gives a kiss goodnight. They have the sweetest bond. Oliver gives him the biggest smiles and watches Teddy’s every move.
Teddy stopped boobing the day I went into labour with Oliver and to be honest, it was really hard for me to accept. I had fully prepared myself for tandem feeding, so for him to suddenly stop wanting it was really hard for me. I understand it is easier as I can imagine feeding a newborn and a toddler isn’t easy but it took me a while to be at peace with it. I cried numerous times in the first few weeks about it but Aaron always told me that I did amazing breastfeeding him for almost three years and it’s lovely that he’s handed the boobing reins over to his little brother.
Three years of the highest highs and the shittest of lows but..
Teddy Atlas you are without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. I bloody love you I do xx