I have successfully breastfed Teddy now for 13 months so I am officially breastfeeding a toddler. Yay me. If you read my breastfeeding journey post for national breastfeeding week 2017, you will know that we didn’t get off to the easiest start due to my long traumatic labour, Teddy was exhausted, I was exhausted. He actually didn’t latch on for 24 hours (I had to hand express my colostrum with the help of the midwives & syringe it into his mouth, every three hours) but as soon as he got it, that was it! He’s been a happily breastfed little he-beast ever since.
13 months on & it still blows my mind that my body produces everything my baby needs. Before I just saw boobs as another part of my body – now I look at them, a little further south than pre baby LOL and see a fucking bad-ass piece of baby feeding machinery.
Breastfeeding a toddler is a whole different ball game to feeding a tiny freshly birthed baby, no longer do they just lie & feed merrily into a milk drunk state. Oh no…
I thought I would share with you the realities of breastfeeding a toddler.
- Why breastfeed lay down when you can kneel up & watch tv at the same time? Turns out Teddy would rather have one eye on Mr twatting Tumble and one eye on what the cat is doing.
- Aaron often question where the little bruises on my arms have come from. I then need to explain that our child is a brute. I cut his nails weekly and still the sharp little talons manage to leave their mark. I feel like i’m a lamp post & he’s pissing on his territory.
- Feeding a child with piranha like teeth aint’ my idea of fun. It’s not even like he does it accidently. He looks up at me, grins sweetly & slowly clamps down. Then proceeds to giggle to himself like the sadistic little bugger he is.
- He now likes to hum & chat to himself whilst feeding. Maybe he is going to be a ventriloquist? With a bird in one hand & a tit in the other…
- I’ve never been one for discreet feeding when out in public. I got over my “oh my god I need to get my boobs out” phase after about two months. Now it’s a case of whip them out & be done with it. HOWEVER can you imagine trying to be subtle when feeding your toddler?! Teddy is more interested in what the old couple in M&S café are talking about than the job at hand. He’ll feed for 10 seconds, hear a conversation strike up next to him & pull away to sit up and get a better look.
- People no longer coo over the tiny baby that’s breastfeeding “oh isn’t it lovely – having his dinner” now they come over and have to dodge away quickly to avoid a kick to the face. Not from me obviously. That’s barbaric.
- The “are you going to stop feeding soon?” comments. I feel like replying “i’ll stop feeding when you stop being a twat mate.” I’m going to feed my tiny diva human as long as he likes, i’m not asking you to have him hanging from your tits am I?
- Gone are the days of my little baby gently stroking my boob whilst he feeds. Now he feels the need to tweak & play with one nipple, whilst he feeds from the other.
- I spend the majority of our feeding time with one leg wrapped round my head, him playing with the other foot & being poked in the eye with his fingers.
OTHER MAMA’S EXPERIENCE..
“How they expect to feed whilst doing their best impression of a contortionist!” – HELLO LITTLE LOVELY
“Having my hair pulled constantly and face pinched throughout the feed are pretty common when feeding my daughter.” – TREASURE EVERY MOMENT
“Obsessing over playing with the other nipple whilst feeding; twisting, pinching, tapping. That & flitting between the two. Just make your mind up already!” – DEVON MAMA
“Breastfeeding a toddler is mostly having your nipples ripped off as they spin their heads round at the Peppa Pig theme tune, then being kicked in the face while simultaneously having your eyeballs pulled clean our their socket.” – GEE GARDNER
“A toddler will ask for milk when they want it either by pulling your top down or using words. There are times it’s not really been appropriate to be shouting out “mummy milks, mummy milks”. – COUNTING TO TEN
“Picking some really inappropriate times to shout Booby, Boooooby.” BALLSY MAMA
I’d love to hear your breastfeeding experiences! How do you find feeding a toddler?