As this is my return to blogging after a month off – I thought it only right that I talk about something else that has returned. My period. That’s right. Almost 20 JOYOUS months without a period and now they are back. With a vengeance. Motherfucker nature. In all her glory. I thought I would share some of the thoughts and mishaps I had on the return of my period. If you aren’t into TMI or you know, bodily functions then this post aint’ for you.

01. MOTHER OF GOD I forgot how much period pains hurt! I know they are probably worse because I’ve gone without one for so long but still. It legit felt like contractions or needed a massive poop (no shame). Of course the pains came on in the middle of the night .Typical. I remember curling up in a ball in bed wondering what in fresh hell this was. I genuinely forgot that periods were a thing.

02. The fact that you can no longer shrivel up on the sofa with a blanket, hot water bottle & Netflix for company is also another kick in the vagina. Quite literally. You have a tiny human to look after, who demands your attention & doesn’t actually feel all that sorry for you. Teddy looks at me as if to say “sucks to be you but change my ass bitch”.

03. I was NOT prepared for a period. In any sense of the word. I had absolutely nothing in stock to use to deal with my situ. Pads? nope. Tampons? nope. NA-DA. I just sat on the toilet looking aimlessly around wondering what the hell I was meant to do. I thank god that I wasn’t out and about. I emptied all my bathroom drawers, my bedside table and even dragged out the bag I had used for labour in the hope that I would find a rogue maternity pad. AND I DID. HALLELUJAH. I text Aaron to pick up a stash of pads after he had finished work. He came back with four packs – good lad.

04. Rumour has it that your periods won’t return whilst you are breastfeeding. I feel cheated. CHEATED I TELL YOU! I have been exclusively breastfeeding my little he-beast for almost 12 months now and figured my period would return when I eventually stop (in about ten years) but oh no.

05. After spending an hour rocking in a corner with a giant maternity pad firmly in place (ahh memories) I started running through the pros & cons of getting pregnant. Huge pro? NO PERIODS. Then Teddy decided to shit all up his back and I decided maybe having a period isn’t so bad…

How did you feel when your period came back? Hopefully it went a little smoother for you. Not too smooth though. Where’s the fun in that?



  1. May 2, 2018 / 1:07 pm

    With Eloise I didn’t get mine back for 13 months! With lily they were back 3 months in! 3 poxy months! 3! I was not impressed in the slightest. X

  2. May 3, 2018 / 9:54 am

    i got mine back three months after baby was born whilst breastfeeding exclusively..i cried 😛

  3. May 3, 2018 / 10:44 am

    It’s hard isn’t it when you then have a baby to look after as well. I found mine were better after babies than before but I have endometriosis so that’s probably why. The pregnancy hormones stabilize it a bit.

  4. May 5, 2018 / 8:20 pm

    I bled for 7 weeks after giving birth. I had a four day break and then my first period… joys.
    Much love, Caitylis x x

  5. May 6, 2018 / 8:07 am

    Awwww welcome back to the dreadful club. Mine came back 11 months after and I wanted to cry. As I’m getting older, there affecting me more and more. Hope you enjoyed your break though hun xx

  6. May 7, 2018 / 7:54 pm

    I’m dreading mine coming back! I have such a bad time with them x

  7. May 21, 2018 / 9:46 pm

    Mine have been so messed up because of being on the injection and a couple of scares to be honest. I dread the day it full on whacks me in the face and I get every symptom known to man. Might pack Reece a bag and hide it ready for him to get out of my sight because damn I’m a cranky lady on a period haha!

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