As this is my return to blogging after a month off – I thought it only right that I talk about something else that has returned. My period. That’s right. Almost 20 JOYOUS months without a period and now they are back. With a vengeance. Mother
fucker nature. In all her glory. I thought I would share some of the thoughts and mishaps I had on the return of my period. If you aren’t into TMI or you know, bodily functions then this post aint’ for you.
01. MOTHER OF GOD I forgot how much period pains hurt! I know they are probably worse because I’ve gone without one for so long but still. It legit felt like contractions or needed a massive poop (no shame). Of course the pains came on in the middle of the night .Typical. I remember curling up in a ball in bed wondering what in fresh hell this was. I genuinely forgot that periods were a thing.
02. The fact that you can no longer shrivel up on the sofa with a blanket, hot water bottle & Netflix for company is also another kick in the vagina. Quite literally. You have a tiny human to look after, who demands your attention & doesn’t actually feel all that sorry for you. Teddy looks at me as if to say “sucks to be you but change my ass bitch”.
03. I was NOT prepared for a period. In any sense of the word. I had absolutely nothing in stock to use to deal with my situ. Pads? nope. Tampons? nope. NA-DA. I just sat on the toilet looking aimlessly around wondering what the hell I was meant to do. I thank god that I wasn’t out and about. I emptied all my bathroom drawers, my bedside table and even dragged out the bag I had used for labour in the hope that I would find a rogue maternity pad. AND I DID. HALLELUJAH. I text Aaron to pick up a stash of pads after he had finished work. He came back with four packs – good lad.
04. Rumour has it that your periods won’t return whilst you are breastfeeding. I feel cheated. CHEATED I TELL YOU! I have been exclusively breastfeeding my little he-beast for almost 12 months now and figured my period would return when I eventually stop (in about ten years) but oh no.
05. After spending an hour rocking in a corner with a giant maternity pad firmly in place (ahh memories) I started running through the pros & cons of getting pregnant. Huge pro? NO PERIODS. Then Teddy decided to shit all up his back and I decided maybe having a period isn’t so bad…
How did you feel when your period came back? Hopefully it went a little smoother for you. Not too smooth though. Where’s the fun in that?