This past week I have been feeling so completely overwhelmed and suffocated by everything I have going on in my life. Trying to juggle work, blogging deadlines, motherhood and general life has taken it toll. One thing that has been a constant sense of “i’m failing” is the pressures of motherhood. I have never known anything like it. The constant comparing is draining both mentally and emotionally. I am slowly trying to cut myself a bit of slack & realise I am actually doing a semi-decent job.
I thought I would share some of the pressures of motherhood I have felt since teddy arrived almost 11 months ago, mainly because i’m hoping some of you will relate & I won’t feel like a total weirdo.
PRESSURES OF MOTHERHOOD
This probably sounds really silly but I’ve felt a whole new motherhood pressure since Teddy has been weaning! I follow so many amazing baby led weaning accounts on Instagram and as much as I love them, I also sometimes get hit with this inane sense of overwhelming failure. They cook these amazing meals with so many fresh ingredients that are healthy & nutritious and there’s me… offering Teddy a chocolate cookie at 10 in the morning just to buy myself an extra five minutes of cleaning up after the shit storm that is breakfast time.
I have never been the sort of gal to spend hours in the kitchen preparing amazingly adventurous dairy-free, wheat-free and taste free snacks. Teddy is perfectly happy with some ready sliced watermelon and a bag of quavers. I just can’t help but feel I should be making more of an effort. I don’t offer enough veggies. He hasn’t had any fruit today… these are thoughts than run through my head numerous times. Teddy has an incredible appetite, he tries new things and has his firm favourites. I’m trying to cut myself a little slack & realise that as long as he is happy & gaining weight, then that is all that matters.
Eugh. this is one “my dicks bigger than yours” pressures I hate!!! “Is Teddy walking yet? My baby was walking at seven months..” Yeah but your child looks like a potato that has gone mouldy and started growing those little tentacle things.. we can’t win em all Karen now, can we?
On the outside I say that we aren’t in any rush for him to be doing the next thing but sometimes on the inside I get arse sweat and start panicking that maybe he should be doing the next thing.. Have I been doing enough to help his development? When WILL he walk? Then I remember that every single child is different & considering it took Teddy almost three days to actually exit my vagina after deciding eight days overdue might be a good time.. I should have known that my boy will do everything in his own damn time. I love him even more for it. He isn’t going to rush for no one.
The mother-fucker of all motherhood pressures. As soon as someone mentions a baby’s sleep I instantly want to shrivel into a ball and die. Is it just me that doesn’t understand that whole obsession with sleep once you have a baby? It’s one of the first things that people ask me when they run into us. “Does he sleep well? why? Are you gonna whip your tit out put him back to sleep for the tenth time? Nah didn’t think so.
In the early days I got completely sucked in to the sleep obsession & worried so much about how little Teddy was sleeping. He hardly napped during the day and woke up more times than I cared to admit at night, people would offer me advice or tips on how to get him to sleep better & I instantly went into protective mama mode. He’ll sleep eventually, he is just going through a phase..
Turns out I was right! He is currently napping like clockwork during the day, one in the morning & one after his lunch and only wakes up once in the night. Sure, he may still nap on me during the day but that is something I would never change. It is something I use to resent purely for the fact that I could get nothing done. Now? I savour the snuggles and hold him tighter than ever against my chest.
It’s crazy the power those little squares have over our lives! Likes, comments & followers just isn’t enough. We have to throw in the fascination with stalking other mums on there and constantly comparing our lives. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve let someone’s seemingly perfect life, leave me feeling so shitty about myself. Spotless houses, immaculate make up… sometimes I don’t even find the time or energy to get out of my pyjamas, never mind do a workout, have a shower & apply a full face of makeup.
I worry that it’s something I am doing wrong and that I need to get a grip of my shit. Then other days I remind myself that I like to prioritise other things that go on in my life – it’s what works best for you!
Have you felt any of these pressures of motherhood? I’d love to know your experiences.