PRESSURES OF MOTHERHOOD

This past week I have been feeling so completely overwhelmed and suffocated by everything I have going on in my life. Trying to juggle work, blogging deadlines, motherhood and general life has taken it toll. One thing that has been a constant sense of “i’m failing” is the pressures of motherhood. I have never known anything like it. The constant comparing is draining both mentally and emotionally. I am slowly trying to cut myself a bit of slack & realise I am actually doing a semi-decent job.

I thought I would share some of the pressures of motherhood I have felt since teddy arrived almost 11 months ago, mainly because i’m hoping some of you will relate & I won’t feel like a total weirdo.

PRESSURES OF MOTHERHOOD

Weaning

This probably sounds really silly but I’ve felt a whole new motherhood pressure since Teddy has been weaning! I follow so many amazing baby led weaning accounts on Instagram and as much as I love them, I also sometimes get hit with this inane sense of overwhelming failure. They cook these amazing meals with so many fresh ingredients that are healthy & nutritious and there’s me… offering Teddy a chocolate cookie at 10 in the morning just to buy myself an extra five minutes of cleaning up after the shit storm that is breakfast time.

I have never been the sort of gal to spend hours in the kitchen preparing amazingly adventurous dairy-free, wheat-free and taste free snacks. Teddy is perfectly happy with some ready sliced watermelon and a bag of quavers. I just can’t help but feel I should be making more of an effort. I don’t offer enough veggies. He hasn’t had any fruit today… these are thoughts than run through my head numerous times. Teddy has an incredible appetite, he tries new things and has his firm favourites. I’m trying to cut myself a little slack & realise that as long as he is happy & gaining weight, then that is all that matters.

Milestones

Eugh. this is one “my dicks bigger than yourspressures I hate!!! “Is Teddy walking yet? My baby was walking at seven months..” Yeah but your child looks like a potato that has gone mouldy and started growing those little tentacle things.. we can’t win em all Karen now, can we?

On the outside I say that we aren’t in any rush for him to be doing the next thing but sometimes on the inside I get arse sweat and start panicking that maybe he should be doing the next thing.. Have I been doing enough to help his development? When WILL he walk? Then I remember that every single child is different & considering it took Teddy almost three days to actually exit my vagina after deciding eight days overdue might be a good time.. I should have known that my boy will do everything in his own damn time. I love him even more for it. He isn’t going to rush for no one.

 

Sleeping

The mother-fucker of all motherhood pressures. As soon as someone mentions a baby’s sleep I instantly want to shrivel into a ball and die. Is it just me that doesn’t understand that whole obsession with sleep once you have a baby? It’s one of the first things that people ask me when they run into us. “Does he sleep well? why? Are you gonna whip your tit out put him back to sleep for the tenth time? Nah didn’t think so. 

In the early days I got completely sucked in to the sleep obsession & worried so much about how little Teddy was sleeping. He hardly napped during the day and woke up more times than I cared to admit at night, people would offer me advice or tips on how to get him to sleep better & I instantly went into protective mama mode. He’ll sleep eventually, he is just going through a phase.. 

Turns out I was right! He is currently napping like clockwork during the day, one in the morning & one after his lunch and only wakes up once in the night. Sure, he may still nap on me during the day but that is something I would never change. It is something I use to resent purely for the fact that I could get nothing done. Now? I savour the snuggles and hold him tighter than ever against my chest.

Instagram

It’s crazy the power those little squares have over our lives! Likes, comments & followers just isn’t enough. We have to throw in the fascination with stalking other mums on there and constantly comparing our lives. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve let someone’s seemingly perfect life, leave me feeling so shitty about myself. Spotless houses, immaculate make up… sometimes I don’t even find the time or energy to get out of my pyjamas, never mind do a workout, have a shower & apply a full face of makeup.

I worry that it’s something I am doing wrong and that I need to get a grip of my shit. Then other days I remind myself that I like to prioritise other things that go on in my life – it’s what works best for you!

 

Have you felt any of these pressures of motherhood? I’d love to know your experiences.

 

 

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13 Comments

  1. March 23, 2018 / 9:38 pm

    I totally feel you on all of this!! Especially the milestones one! I’m currently in a constant state of “omg I’m such a shit mum, I need to encourage him to get all these things done NOW” and “my child is amazing and will do everything when he bloody well likes!” It’s tough isn’t! But we totally got this! xxx

  2. March 23, 2018 / 9:54 pm

    You’re doing a fab job Rachael, the only pressures are the ones we all put ourselves under and were all guilty of that. It’s because we want the best for our kids…but all they need is a happy mama! Xxx ps, Arlo mainly lives on angel cake, pom bear and shop brought dinners. You win some you lose some 😉…some kids aren’t fortunate enough to eat xxx

  3. March 24, 2018 / 1:42 pm

    Oh god all of this. Lily’s currently eating wotsits so my arse can actually feel the sofa cushion for once.

    With instagram I try and remember that those little squares are people’s highlight reel and not their real life. I can take photo of some make up surrounded by actual shit and no one would know.

    Sleep wise lily doesn’t go down before 10:30 ever and wakes frequently. You should see the looks I get and the comments from high horse cunts “oh my baby sleeps all night blah blah blah”. Fuck off felicia.

    Just know that you’re doing amazingly and fuck everything and everyone else.

  4. March 24, 2018 / 4:55 pm

    Oh my god.. this is post is everything I have been feeling this week! You’re definetely not on your own with this Rachael. P.S your Instagram is actually goals..

  5. March 24, 2018 / 5:57 pm

    This post is just everything! Molly wouldn’t breast feed. Literally would scream bloody murder if my boob went near her face. I decided after days of specialist modwives, no food or sleep for any of us to put her on formula. Best thing I ever did..however, the amount of shit I got from other mums constantly telling me formular is bad, I should have tried longer, and the classic “oh, but breast is best”. Actually, FED is best. My child was screaming with hunger and I cried more tears than I ever had whilst giving her her first bottle. Don’t even get me started on the fact me and the OH are veggie and we will bring her up to be veggie until she’s old enough to decide otherwise… 🤦🏼‍♀️ Nothing I do is ever right!

    You’re doing an ace job mama bear ✌🏻

  6. March 24, 2018 / 6:47 pm

    This is a great post and so true! The pressure of motherhood is SO intense it’s crazy and it doesn’t help being sleep deprived and irrational and emotional half the time either 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ We are all winging it and all just doing our best!!! Xx

  7. Rebecca
    March 24, 2018 / 8:27 pm

    Totally agree especially with the milestones part, recently had Finley’s ten month appointment with the Health Visitor and she was concerned because he isn’t pulling himself up on things yet! x

  8. March 24, 2018 / 9:41 pm

    It’s really hard not to compare yourself to other mums especially when it seems to come all so easy to them, but half the time they are just winging it which I must admit is something I do in a daily basis.
    I have 5 children and each of them have walked, talked and slept through the night at different ages and I haven’t done anything different with any of them.
    I’ve also given a chocolate cookie in the morning, normally it’s on the school run so he isn’t screaming the street down because he is in the pram.
    Don’t forget when it comes to Instagram we only share pictures we want to and ones we don’t are easily deleted.
    Your definitely not alone xx

  9. March 27, 2018 / 4:06 pm

    Love your pictures so much, So glad that I’ve found your blog, I love it! Make sure you rest as a mummy!!!

  10. Lisa
    March 29, 2018 / 8:50 am

    Honestly Rach you’re not alone. I have had depression for around 10 years, and before Imogen was even born I told them that I was going to hit hard with postnatal. I wasn’t ready for a child. My health visitor made me feel so anxious about having baby blues as in her words ‘it’s not normal’. Yeah. So that was one thing. I preassured myself on everything. Her weight, because she refused milk and then became so large at one point. She was happy and healthy! I just panicked about what everyone else thought. She barely slept and she doesn’t do well now. But we got ourselves in a little routine of being a bit carefree and it works for us.

    I always used to compare myself not to other mothers, but girls my age and kept wishing I was ‘normal’. I genuinly developed a fear that I wasn’t a good mum, and that my partner thought I was a pile of shite to be frank. It was all in my head. Lack of sleep and exhaustion and being stuck inside with a daughter day in day out and no one to talk to made me develop such a horrible fear of everything.

    Some days I feel like I’m not a good enough mum but it’s nothing like it was in the beginning. I try not to pay attention to what everyone else is doing, because it’s only what they share on social media, and not a true representation of their lives. And PS. I give Imogen a damn cookie or a packet of raisins to help me just make a brew in the morning! Doesn’t make us bad mums.

    Lisa | http://www.ohluna.co.uk

  11. March 29, 2018 / 5:14 pm

    So freaking raw and honest! YOur a fab mummy and its mamas like you that is paving a way for real honest parenting!

  12. March 31, 2018 / 6:39 am

    This post is great!….. So honest and heartfelt. Keep doing what your doing you sound an amazing Mum. 😘 xxx

  13. April 1, 2018 / 8:06 am

    Rach this was such an honest read. You are definitely not alone, we have all felt this way. You are the perfect Mama for Teddy because he was made for you. Don’t doubt yourself, you’re doing amazingly juggling it all!

    Amy X

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