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Before I became a mum I had all these dreams, hopes & ideas about what kind of mother I would be. Then I actually BECAME a mother. Turns out my parenting expectations and the reality of what life with a baby is actually like, are two completely different things! When people say nothing can prepare you for having a child, they aren’t lying.

I had these ideas of attending baby groups every week & meeting new mums for coffee every other day – turns out I don’t actually like organised group activities that involve a load of bitching cliquey mums in the local village. I just think they are trying to make up for the fact their kids a munter by clinging onto the other mums who have ugly babies. Like a pack. They like to prey on the weak & their beautiful babies.

I have asked my fellow mama’s to share their parenting expectations vs the reality of what actually occurs!


Parenting Expectation – lovely, snuggly cuddles whilst baby feeds like clockwork every 4 hours.
Reality – getting throat punched and lacerated to within an inch of your life by tiny fingernails. I actually have scars. No fucking joke. – GEE GARDNER

Expectation – No TV time, just lots of fun playing with toys on the floor and forever learning.
Reality – The only way to go to the toilet (or in fact do anything without carrying him) is to plonk him in front of the TV. All hail Teletubbies! – THE GROWING MUM

“I had such great expectations of craft time, beautiful handmade gifts for everyone in the family as we laugh and have fun… in reality it’s hours of prep to 5 minutes of minimal effort and then moaning they’re bored. Oh and everything ends up brown!” – ARE POPS

I thought days out would be full of fun, learning and most of all, bonding. In reality, they mainly involve me telling them to stop arguing, not to keep touching stuff and no, I will not buy them some crappy toy from the gift shop” – HOUSEHOLD MONEY SAVING

I imagined playing on the grass in the garden, having lovely lazy days in the summer etc. Instead, they get bored after a few minutes, scream and cry when something isn’t going their way and destroy your garden!” – EMMA REED

“Meal times! I had this expectation that we would cook and bake together. Making homemade pizza’s and cakes and lots of healthy homemade varieties of meals. However the reality is my kids don’t eat anything! They are the fussiest kids I know and getting them to help in the kitchen using results in the bickering and someone crying over who got to lick the spoon first!” – TANTRUM TO SMILES

I imagined a beautiful living room with lots of toys in a ‘toy corner’ with a happy toddler playing with one toy at a time. Instead I have a living room FULL of toys EVERYWHERE and a toddler that plays with every single one for a matter of seconds before it’s dumped and another toy is grabbed…” – JUST BUTTONS BLOG

We will only have wooden toys, no plastic” – CRUMMY MUMMY

“Bath times would be like a Johnson’s advert, turns out you need to a wet suit and patience of a saint.” – MOMMY & RORY

“I’ll get so much done while she naps! My house will be immaculate! Except she’d much rather nap on me and my house is still a mess.” – OUTNUMBERED BY BUNNIES

“My kids will eat organic and have their 5 a day” Reality? Waiting in McDonald’s for it to tick to 10.30am so I can order them a chicken nugget happy meal – TWINDERELMO 

“I thought bedtimes would be a breeze, I swore I would never have feral kids in the evening… Oh, how wrong was I… We call it witching hour.” – VERY MUMMY

I would love to know what your biggest parenting expectation was?





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