If you read my “10 Things Not To Say To A First Time Mama” post, you will know that some people are idiots. Someone makes a fly away comment or judgmental remark and you just stand there staring at them wondering how the fuck they get by in life. Sometimes people don’t think before they speak, whether that is your friend, a family member or a complete stranger. It might just a little piece of advice they thought they would share that might help you out or you can take on board in future. Whatever it may be, there’s no polite way to tell them to shove their advice up their arse (especially when they don’t have children themselves!).
It’s hard enough trying to keep a tiny he-beast alive, without people piping up and offering up their unwanted opinions. I thought I would compile a small list of things you should never say to a mum.
01. “Oh my god, i’m so tired”; Nah, nah, nah, NAH! You don’t know the meaning of the word tired. Come at me when a hangry, cranky, mental developing leap fuelled child is waking up every 40 minutes THEN, and only then, can you so much as utter the word tired in my presence.
02. “I have nephews/nieces/a clingy cat so I can imagine how hard it is”; I don’t know how to break this to your gently (or without punching you in the throat) but you don’t have a fucking clue. Nothing on this planet can prepare you for being at a he-beasts beck and call, during all hours of the day & night. You can’t give them back!
03. “Oh i’d never do that with my child!“; Pipe down Carol and face the wall. Do you know how many times I said that before I had Teddy? A lot. If I could go back in time and bitch slap pre-baby Rachael, I would. She deserves it.
04. Are you sure you should be doing that?”; No i’m not sure as it happens, i’m actually using Teddy as my guinea pig so I don’t fuck the next kid up.
05. Is he sleeping any better?; Are you looking at me right now? Do I look like he’s sleeping any better? That’d be a no.
06. Oh you look well today!; What are you trying to say Sarah? That I haven’t looked WELL for the last six months? Well aren’t you a fucking peach.
07. Have you seen that new film?; You are lucky if I have time to shower, have a shite and shove on clean pyjamas. Where in that tiny brain of yours do you think I have time to go and sit & watch a film. In the cinema. Without my tiny human… Me & Aaron won’t be having a date night until the year 2020 at this rate.
There are so many more I could add, but this post would be stupidly long!
What would you add to this list?
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