Sixteen Things I Wish I’d Known About Being An Adult.


When we are little all you want it to grow up. Becoming an adult sounds like the best thing in the world. You get to spend all the money you want, watch as much television you like and stay in bed all day. If only we had known exactly what we were in for…
1. You’ve actually got to EARN the money you want to spend. Aint’ life a bitch.
2. Putting the bins out is possibly the worse household job ever. Add all the shit you have to recycle on top of that and it’s even worse. Black bin for this, cream bin for something else… the responsibility and pressure to get it exactly right is horrendous. You leave a lid on a pop bottle, you’re really in for it!
3. Nobody is going to wash that pile of clothes for you. I literally have washing coming out of my ears and I don’t know where the hell it all comes from. There’s only two of us! God help me when the baby arrives and we have shite stained baby grows thrown into the mix.
4. You dream of the days you could go back to school hours. Finishing at 3p.m every day. Having the weekends to do as you please. All those holidays! I don’t know what kids these days are bitching about. So damn ungrateful.
5. Ironing? What’s that? It isn’t an essential task. I think I’ve ironed about six things since I moved out almost four years ago. The creased look is totally in.
6. You’ll hate the majority of the population. And that’s okay.
7. Everyone and their dog wants to offer you a loan or a credit card. Do these people not know that I can’t be trusted with money?! Just throw those letters straight in the bin. I mean recycling..god damn it!
8. That owning a oh so grown up Jamie Oliver cookbook may feel great, but the fact that you have to buy half of Waitrose to actually make the damn meals, is ridiculous.
9. You’ll spend the majority of your day slagging off ‘the youth of today’. Because when we were kids, we were saints…. NOT.
10. You think owning a pet is a wonderful idea and so grown up. When in actual fact, they can be a real bitch!
11. Television shows will go completely down the drain. If you think you’ll be spending your Saturday nights watching Stars In Their Eyes and Blind Date, you are sadly mistaken.
12. That you’ll actually miss the days when Heartbeat was a Sunday night ritual and you’d give your first born to snuggle up on the sofa and hear that god awful theme tune.
13. You’ll actually have to show an interest in political debates and current affairs, now you are an adult, you should know things about this and looking at people blankly with a ‘who the fuck?’ expression on your face is not the right way to go.
14. Going to bed early used to be a bitch. Now you count down the hours until you can get into bed. You then spend the first five minutes working out how much sleep you’ll get before your alarm goes off. Anything less than 7 hours sleep and I literally go into meltdown mode. I WON’T FUNCTION.
15. Everyday you’ll pray that the postman will post a letter through your door that contains a cheque from a really wealthy relative who has taken pity on you. Instead it’s bills and an explanation as to where your council tax is being spent. Which wasn’t a fun letter to read I assure you.
16. You’ll realise that laying in bed all day is actually a waste of a day. Why lounge around in bed when you could be cleaning the house or sorting through paperwork…said no adult. Ever.

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