Dear Baby C,
There are so many things I want to say to you. So many things I want you to know.
Lets start at the beginning…
When I was little I always played with dolls and prams, yet actually having my own children is something I never wanted. I also never wanted to get married. I was a seven year old with a commitment phobia. Until I met you Daddy.
We met when I was sixteen (in 2008, can you believe it!?) and although we didn’t have the easiest of relationships in the beginning, mainly due to Mummy getting FOMO, my whole future plan changed. I wanted the house, the husband and the babies. I wanted to feel safe, settled and loved. Your Daddy is so good at making me feel all of those things & more. So after seven years together, we decided that we were ready to add a new addition to our crazy, slightly dysfunctional family. Little did I know how quickly you’d be joining us…
Only two months of ‘trying’ and I saw those two little glorious lines. I say little, however they are the biggest two lines you will ever see in your whole life. It’s true when people say that your whole life changes as soon as you find out your pregnant. I felt this overwhelming rush of love and protectiveness, all with a side of slightly shitting my pants. Don’t judge me baby but my god, I was scared. Scared for you. Willing and wishing that my body would protect you to the best of its ability, hoping that everything would be okay. I loved you so much already.
I did the test alone and the first person I told was your Auntie Natalie and she was so excited! Almost as excited as me. I then had to wait the longest two hours of my life to tell your Daddy. He was still at work and those two hours have never gone by so slowly. His reaction was a mixture of happiness and absolute disbelief. I remember he asked me about ten times if I was joking. We then went out and did about seven other pregnancy tests just to be sure. I can’t tell you the dread I felt every time I took another one in case they came up negative.
Our first scan, the first time we would be seeing you, was honestly the most nervous I have ever felt. I was only about seven weeks and I remember being lay on the bench, praying that you would be there. That I would see your little heart beat. And when we did, I can’t describe the relief and happiness we felt. I finally felt like I could breath again.
The scans just got better and better every time we went. Seeing how much you had grown from 7 weeks to 12 and then again at 20 was incredible. You had gone from this tiny little bean to a proper baby, with a gorgeous little nose and tiny feet. We decided to keep your gender a surprise. We didn’t care whether you were a boy or a girl, as long as you were healthy and happy. That’s all we ever want for you.
We are currently 8 weeks away from meeting you, if you come on time, which I highly doubt and I can’t tell you how excited we are. I’ve never been this excited for anything in my whole life. Feeling you move, kick and roll in my tummy is honestly my favourite thing in the whole world. It’s like we have our own private little conversations, that are meant for only you & me. Occasionally your Daddy, when you let him anyway. I love how you’re showing him who is boss already.
I just want you to know Baby C, I promise to love you unconditionally and always let you know it. I promise to support you and hold your hand in difficult situations. I promise to celebrate every reason that makes you different. Be different Baby C. Let your weirdness shine. You are so loved Baby C. A love so powerful it will fill you up. Now & Always. I’ll always protect you.
I hope you like me…
Love You Already,